After Christmas

Well I made it thru the hussle and the bussle of bad drivers and the stores being over packed. Today is my eldest nephews 20th birthday. I can't believe how fast life can move around you if you sit back too long. I am currently waiting for my fourth quarter to start at YVCC and have to say that I made it with 2 B's and a B+ for the last quarter. I am happy about it and not happy. I was hoping for better but the classes are getting harder and harder. I know this is how life is and I will push thru and be all that I can be lol. The snow is slowly falling outside the front window and my Freedom is sleeping in and I am pretty happy. Right now I know that I am on the right path and no one can take that away from me. I had two very nice Christmas dinners and the best family a girl could wish for. Now to get m trip to Montana figured out and I will end this year on a higher note then expected. Mom keeps telling me that I don't need to drive to see her in this weather, but I told my self I was going to try and make it back there more and more, and By goly I am going to do it. So here is to the new year and all the great things it will bring us!

Registration

Well I finally got to register for my Winter classes. I have to say that this is not the schedule that I wanted but I will deal with the changes with a smile on my face. Like my Grandma always is saying..."Things happen for a reason!" Yes, Yes, Yes I get it. I figure I am not healthy enough (shoulder and arm wise) to take ASL this quarter so instead I am taking Psyc 100 and IT 100. April informed me that I should do great in these classes and that makes me feel better because she has taken a couple of these courses already. Oh I am also in the Biology class that is a prerequisite that I need. Jake and I got to spend way too much time together this Thanksgiving week because he ended up rained out. LOL it was fun and we got to hang out with many of our favorite peep, but three days and three movies was a little too much for me. I got our Christmas cards done and a few of them delivered. I feel so great that my last Chemistry test wasn't as hard as I had been fearing and I am now sitting at a B in that class. YAY. I have been so worried that I wouldn't pass Chemistry that my brain has been on fire.

Thanksgiving

So I am at my house (well Buffalo's) and I am finishing up all my work for next week and hello, I honestly can not believe how fast this year has flown. I have a Chemistry Exam on Monday and an Essay for English due on Tuesday and then I am off for 5 days. I am super lucky to get to spent those days off with Jake. This time around has been so much better than I could imagine. I hope to maybe hit a single store for Black Friday, but not sure if I will be standing out there all by myself or not lol. I am very thankful for my family and friends. There are days when feel like giving up and I happen to hear from one of them and I am instantly better. not sure if I would ever have made it this far without them. I ordered Christmas cards and can not wait for them to get here!!! lol they are pretty darn cute if I do say so myself :-) Well now for the new scary part of life. I have to see a shrink to be released for my surgery before I can be approved. I know this is a good thing and I have to do this, but the timing is not very good. I am worried I will miss a final the day this shrink visit is scheduled. We will have fingers crossed and hope all works out for a reason.

I looked into my claim and all seemed to be at a stale mate. Later on tonight I decided to check it again, but this time there is something different. I call was placed to get me approved to go see the surgeon, not sure if I have been approved yet but at least they are looking into it. I am so very nervous about this new part of my life. I fear the unknown, but also know that it all happens for a reason. Well so Grandma likes to remind me! :-) I know deep down that all thing will be okay, but a surgery is never an easy choice. I don't want to be full of sadness, but a ray of hope to others that feel like their lives are not going at the right pace. Things will change as long as you keep your chin held high and a prayer in your soul. This is my motto and I do aim for it every day. I will admit that there are still days when all I want to do is break down into a heaping pile of angry tears. I am so very lucky to have the friends and family that I use to think were cures, without them I would not have made it this far or felt this good about the choices I have been making.

Surgery

Well after a long day in the car with Grandma we have a few answers and many more questions. My Dr, Dr French, says that more physical therapy isn't going to do a "damn bit of good!" After all I have had a "shit ton of physical therapy" and my problem still prosiest. So a federal was sent on to a surgeon in Seattle. Now I get to wait for L&I to either accept this or deny it. The waiting game is the worse part. Now I will have to postpone my major until next year because with me missing school for surgery there is no way I will have my biology classes done in time. Like my Grandma tells me, everything happens for a reason and maybe I can double major while I'm killing Time lol. Here's to hoping I'm on the right track!

Reopened My L&I claim

So today is kind of emotional for me. I have been striving so hard to make my life better without constantly complaing about the pain I am in (some people told me they didn't like seeing my post). Well I do live in constant pain, wether you can read it on my face depends greatly on how well you know me. Of all people, the boyfriend sees it the most. He gets it confused with anger but I guess it is about the same look, since I am usually mad that I hurt lol. I laugh but it isn't always funny. About 2 1/2 months ago I went back to my Dr. and filed a reopen app because school is physically kicking my ars. My hands swell and arm never stops aching. Well as of yesterday they opened my claim back up and accept my TOS too whoop whoop. They are wanting me to do a ton of PT and see a shrink. I can handle that if it means they beleive me and are willing to fix me. I just am so freaking nervous on where this road is going to take me.
Its my own slice of nightmare here lol

Almost 3 weeks down

Wow. I have been so super busy since school started back up. I am taking Chemistry 100, English 102 and Math 95 this quarter. My hardest class by far is Chemistry, but I am giving it all I have. It scares me that a few people in my class are taking it for the second time. Not that I am smarter or even feel better than these people but I really wish to pass it the first time thru. Fingers crossed anyways. Can you believe that it is almost Halloween already. How time flies when your on your broom lol. So I guess I made the President's list but in spring they only give a shout out and not the letter of acknowledgment like the other quarters, but still awesome.

Emotional

This past week has taken its toll on me. I am so nervous for school to start next week and I have my IME app on Thursday. Just a scary week for me. I keep hoping and praying that I am making the right choices and traveling the right Path, but at this very second I feel really lost. I wish I was sitting at a cross road but it feels more like freeway on ramps to places I just don't know of. Anyways I am going to close my eyes and hope tomorrow the rushing cars from the Freeway don't run me over, maybe I am sitting at a rest area?

Sad and confused Cole makes contradictory decisions!

A Couple Days At Mom's

So Wednesday I got a phone call from my mom confirming the trip Grandma and I were taking. You see we were heading to a dr app for grandma in Wenatchee the head over to Montana to see me mom. My mom sounded so sad and worn out and I asked what was happening. Well because of her radiation treatments everything was getting thin and her intestines came loose and tried to fall out. She said it was the scariest thing ever, to look down and see them hanging out like she was having a baby. That made me cry. Well grandma and I rushed over in Thursday night and got to just be with her. I miss her like crazy and am so proud of how well she is handling all the pain. We spent all day Friday together then said our sad goodbyes. Saturday morning My Montana Grandma made breakfast and then we were back on the road home. It was the longest 3 days ever, but I wish to never let them go. I am so happy to see them all. Love them like crazy.

Labor Day Weekend

This weekend ended up so full and busy, it was just great. Starting on Friday, Jake brought the Jeep up and he drove me up Wilson to see my Grandpa's plaque. I wasn't sure if my or Grandma's car would make it up there, but we sure can and now I know lol. After taking a few moments at the spot of importance we kept on driving and came down Reecer Creek. It was such a nice day and to finish it off we had bbqed ribs at Dad's. Saturday was pretty nice also. We went back up Reecer and stopped off at Lion's Rock. I love it up there, plain and simple. We kept going and came out Cougar Gulch in Liberty. Oh and we stopped by the rocks I love lol. Sunday we ran into Gerrod and we had an impromtue wheeling trip up to Funny/Moon rocks. We saw so many Jeeps and Toyotas it was crazy. We made it back down in time for some dinner and the Sunday Night Posse games. Fun time. I am so whooped from spending 7 full days with Jake it is just overwhelming. Lol Now Grandma and I are packing our bags and going to be heading to Anaconda Mt to see my mom before school starts back up for me. Two full weeks of non stop go go go.   :-)

Shit Storm

This past month has been super crazy. I got two A's and an A- this last quarter and am very proud of myself. I turned 30!!!! Ugh but still living :-) my mom had her sugery and starts radiation on Wed. :-( we have had a huge fire burning this last week and many have lost all they own. A great friend got married to my awesome cousin this week too.  Best of all my mommy came for a visit. I am hoping that next month is a change for every one.

Amazing Weekend

Well I had such an amazing weekend that it was hard to come home. I know we have all been there a time or two, but this time seemed extra difficult. The weather was just right and the company I shared my time with was great. I can't wait to do it again. I'm too poor right now, but one of these days soon. I haven't driven so much in a course of 3 days in Forever that is for sure. At least my car was getting really good mileage since I put full synthetic oil in it. Jake tells me that is because it is smoother and hence the better mileage. I need all I can get out of my car, that is the truth

Stomach Bug

Wow. I haven't felt this bad in a very long time. Thank goodness for Jayme and her bringing me all the good stuff to help easy the pain. Oh a very big up note, my mom is going to have a hysterectomy and she should be good to go yay

Today is nerve racking

I am sitting here in Math 085 about to take my weekly quiz, but my brain can't seem to focus. I hope my ACE kickes in fast or I won't be able to keep my eyes open. I'm praying for my mom and hope she stays strong this morning. I love her so so much. Here is to crossed fingers and deep breaths that it is operable and we can fix her.

Crap

So my mom finally called and told me she has cancer in her uterus and breast. She sounds so very hurt since she has here woman yearly and all those good things, but non of them told her she was getting Cancer. How can we have all these test and they not work. She sounds so sad and hurt and I can't be there to help. What am I going to do if something happens to my mom. Wow I just made this selffish and I sure don't mean for it to be. She is so very far away in Montana and I and my siblings are here in Washington. She moved back there to help her parents out and now she is freaking out that they will think less of her or something. They would never think that way about her. What can I do to make this situation better for her other than to try and be as strong as I can for her. It kills me inside to not be there and hold her while she cries this out. UGH. I just needed to vent and be sad I guess. I sure as Hell Miss My MOM!!!

Brain Pain

I don't know if it's the weight of my first week of school, Grandpa not here for his 78th Birthday or the stress of next week, but my brain hurts. It won't shut down and let me rest. I feel like I'm standing still in a sea of running peers, but I can see my feet moving so that is not right. Ugh I just don't understand how to fix it. I need to be healthy happy and smiling, but my smile feels broken. How sad is that.

Partners

So, as the title says, partners. Have you ever been partnered with someone new and they don't understand the project you are working on together? Well today was my second day with a partner and my second new partner lol. We had to come up with 6 topic idea's from 4 different places (newspapers, magazines, books and our own interest). As I was flying thru the assignment, she was stuck on one article in the newspaper and pulling 6 key things from it. I'm not sure what our grade is going to be tomorrow on this one, but the teacher can see the two different works.

Day 2

Well I'm not near as worried or stressed this morning and that feels great! I am; however, super tired. It is so pretty here this early in the morning. The sun is just coming up and hardly any students want to have a 7 AM class. ;-) today I am going to make great. Just watch me

7 AM

Well like it says, not only does 7 am get here early, but getting up to be at my at my first class by 7 lol. I have to say that the next 6 weeks is going to be beyond crazy fast, but I'm hoping I can hold tight and make it thru it all with good grades and have learned lots. Thank You to everyone that has kept me as sane as can be these last weeks. Things will be hard but so worth it later on! Don't worry, I do my home work ASAP

Emotional Afternoon

I honestly need a break from my own mind today. I keep stressing about classes starting back up tomorrow. My dreams have been horrible. I know school will be fine, so why can't I stop all of this stressing. I have my books all packed and my back pack ready to go in the morning.  I just need to shower tonight and try to sleep, but I never seem to let it all go. At least I had a good talk with my sister today and it helped ease my mind a little, but never enough. I hope I have enough gas to make it until my check gets here. UGH I so want a nap but then I really won't get any sleep tonight lol
Second Quarter Student @YVCC

Father's Day

This is one of the first Father's Days that I am not getting to spend it with my dad. I have very mixed emotions about it and I also feel confused. I know he is a busy man with lots of living to do, but it still feels very strange to me. I wish we could be out on the river right now in the boat, or up in the mountains shooting the guns or even better, having a BBQ. Not only did I not got to see my mom for Mother's day I now don't get my dad. I think I am out of the loop and not enjoying it. Well I sure hope that everyone out there is having a great Father's Day and spending with the people you love.

Saturday

Wow. Today have been very very eventful. We got crazy Facebook news this morning and then off to the Farmers Market to sell Relay For Life Tickets. Had a great time with my sister, nephew and friends. Then my cousin and I came over to the bar to watch the Jell-o wrestling lol. Wow fun times

Friday Hopefully Fun Day

Today was hard to get moving. When School starts I will have to be up and out of the house by 6 AM, and yet today I couldn't drag my butt out of bed until about 8 LOL. This is sad to me. I keep think that it all has to do with cleaning out my mom's truck. My brother is suppose to be on his way to take it this weekend and see if he can sell it and make some money for my mom. She is having a really hard time back in Montana with her parents. I know she misses all of her children back here in Washington state. I wish that my body was in better shape so that I could get a job and help my mom out and have some play money for school. It a very frustrating cycle I am on. If I try and do much with my right arm I end up hurting for the next week straight with nasty headaches. UGH, and now that I am typing all the time and writing, my carpal tunnel is kicking up also LOL I laugh because there seems to be nothing to do to fix it. I will tell you a very important thing though, I love school and I will take the pain over not learning any day. ;-)

I miss my Momma

Second Quarter Jitters

As I sit watching a movie I can feel my heart start to quicken. My mind starts to daze off and comes to focus on Monday. Why Monday you might ask? Well Monday starts the first day of my second quarter at YVCC. At my age ( almost 30, gauge, LOL) this is a huge step for me. I have to say that I did pretty darn well with my first quarter. I had two on-line classes and an English class on campus. I was so very nervous with this load of classes, but everything turn out awesome. I hope that going into this second quarter I can do just as well.